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These are clever rubberized or latex bracelets that have been marketed and sold by the “Keep A Breast” Foundation, a 501(c)(3) (not for profit) organization that apparently saw a need for more awareness of cancer in female secondary sex organs (boobies) since the American Cancer Society is waning in popularity annually, and other cancer organizations have also lost credibility over the years.

And while the “Keep A Breast” slogan (get it? keep abreast….of the latest in breast cancer research, effects, etc.) is clever, it’s the “I <3 {love} boobies” slogan that’s causing quite a few raised eyebrows…especially when it come to young, impressionable kids.Why do kids even need to KNOW about breast cancer? Who knows? But that’s the effort of this organization, as they say on their website:

The Keep A Breast Foundation™ is a 501 (c) (3) non-profit organization. Their mission is to help eradicate breast cancer by exposing young people to methods of prevention, early detection and support. Through art events, educational programs and fundraising efforts, they seek to increase breast cancer awareness among young people so they are better equipped to make choices and develop habits that will benefit their long-term health and well-being. As the Keep A Breast official online store, Loserkids.com will donate 100% of all profits from our KAB store to the Keep A Breast Foundation. Your purchase helps raise awareness and support Keep A Breast’s Prevention, early detection and education programs to eradicate breast cancer. For more information please visit keep-a-breast.org

“Young people”? How young? We’re not told. However, a good indication is the “Loserkids” moniker….I mean, that absolutely appeals to all the rotten scene kids with koolaid colored hair, as they like to refer to anyone who’s not them (who’s not ‘scene’) as “losers”….which is obviously a case of projection if ever there was one.

Most koolaidheads are anywhere from 12 to 20, we’ve found (although there are some who are younger, sadly). So we’re guessing this group is marketing to them. And herein is where the problems arise. Because while the logos are cute and clever, and somewhat juvenile and ribald, they’re cute-clever-juvenile-ribald for THIRTY-FIVE-YEAR-OLD MEN. This isn’t exactly the realm into which 13-year-olds—male OR female—should be delving.

Ergo all the fuss over these bracelets. Apparently, schools don’t want these sentiments expressed on their students…and we can understand this. Why would the school encourage kids, who have the attention spans of a fruit fly anyway, to disrupt the learning process (such as it is) with ribald phrases on bracelets? “Live Strong” we can understand. “I <3 boobies”…not so much.

This is the gripe in such far-flung places as the Easton School District of Pennsylvania, as well as in Fairfield Community High School, we’re told, where school staff and admin are requiring that young girls either remove their boobie bracelets or turn them inside out so the ribald slogans don’t show. The argument, in return, is that the girls, many as young as 13, have rights to “free speech” and they don’t want to do this; they want to show their support for finding a cure for breast cancer (which is really easy to rectify…stop taking medications and consuming chemicals in food and water that accumulate in dense breast tissue…problem solved) and they want to wear their bracelets, dammit!

The issue with this, though, is that children in school—even in high school—don’t necessarily HAVE First Amendment rights of freedom of speech. Such a thing is subjective in a school setting: subjective to those who set the rules. And for those of you who still have the misfortune of sending your children to public schools, you know who’s in charge when they’re there—THE SCHOOL IS, and no one else. So if the school says “no boobie bracelets,” that’s within their purview to say….and to expect compliance. If for no reason other than to keep the disruption to a minimum. Because young kids don’t give a damn about breast cancer, not really…most kids don’t have a clue about it, and because they believe they’re invincible, it’s not a reality for them…all they give a damn about is getting to wear—and say—”boobie” with no repercussions. It’s like a cuss word, only not quite….it’s like a dirty word, only not quite. And their parents are sanctioning them wearing it! Neat!!

We do feel bad for the parents who believe they’re supporting a worthy cause by allowing their kids to sport these bracelets. We know that you want to be able to express your support through something that’s been primarily engineered to appeal to kids. Kids need to be aware and all, true.

But in a place like Fairfield Community High School, where the biggest scandal of the past decade has been Haven Kirkpatrick allegedly having relationships with her students (and already having been convicted of one of those relationships…an ILLEGAL one), the atmosphere isn’t charged with raising awareness of breast cancer. It’s charged more with Katy Perry-tinged “I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It.” And no matter how open-minded and with it everybody claims to be, Wayne County—and most of southern Illinois, for that matter—just isn’t ready for that.

So what do you think, readers? “I <3 boobies”…appropriate for 13-year-old kids to wear….or just another way that society’s over-sexualizing our kids entirely too early?